The Healing Power of Grief and Bereavement Counselling

 

Losing a loved one is an indelibly painful experience that can feel like being submerged in the depths of an unforgiving ocean. Profound loss can cause you to question everything you know, or thought you knew. The world can feel surreal and you may experience intense waves of anger, loss of purpose or direction, and intense isolation. Further, you may have feelings of injustice about the unfairness of your loss. Some people may shut the world out as they try to cope with it all. Grief and bereavement counselling can support you on your path to solace and healing.

 

Understanding Grief: A Complex Journey

Grief is a multifaceted response to loss that can be confusing and overwhelming. It is not a short term experience.

So often others can expect that at the end of a specified period of time, often a year, that things will be magically healed. As such, people can start to say things like, “maybe it is time to… (insert any statement intended to be helpful but that very often feels like pressure, or like you’re grieving wrong)”. We emphatically maintain that there is no such thing as grieving wrong. There will certainly be re-grieving days long into the future. A conventional focus is often on the emotional response to loss, but it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. Your whole world can feel upended and completely compromised.

Starting to re-engage in life again can feel like a chore. Conversely, it can also feel like the only thing keeping you going is getting back to routine. Then, if the routine slips, you might feel like ‘I have nothing left to keep me going’. Grieving is a lot of work. It takes time, and energy. It is important to allow yourself grace in the process. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself days where you stay in bed all day. On days where you do go out, don’t do it because you feel you should. Do it because you feel like it, and you feel ready. Just because you did something today, does not mean you will feel like doing it tomorrow.

It is important for you to know that this is ok. Be easy on yourself.

Do your best to limit anything extra in your life. You might want to be intentional about seeking grief counselling near me instead of traveling additional distances than are required. 

 

The Manifestations of Grief

 

Emotional Impact of Grief

Emotionally, grief can be experienced as a dream-like state and manifest in a variety of ways. From deep sadness to anger, from denial or shock to profound confusion. It can leave you fraught with guilt, regret, or simply numb. You can feel a sense of disbelief, You can struggle with taking in the reality that your loved one will no longer be in your day to day life in the same way. The whole process can leave you feeling completely helpless as the grief comes. The journey through grief is highly individual, with no “correct” way to process the loss. Some may find themselves enveloped in a fog of disbelief. Others might be gripped by an intense yearning for the person they have lost.

 

Physical, Cognitive, Behavioral Impact of Grief

Physical symptoms such as fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or gain, aches, and pains are also not uncommon. Cognitively, grief can leave you unable to think clearly and unable to get out of the fog. Concentration decreases and your nat memories become stifled. Over the long term, you can struggle with visuospatial function, things like buttoning shirts, making a bed, or putting together furniture can be impaired. Attention and the speed with which you can process information reduces.

Behaviourally, you can experience changes in activity level, avoid places or reminders of your lost loved one. In contrast, you can cling to an overidentification with places or reminders of your lost loved one. If the loss was someone involved in your day to day before, you may find you’re at a loss for what to do without them.

 

Social, Cultural Impact of Grief

Socailly, it is common to withdraw from others and social situations. You might feel detached, or hostile towards others. Sometimes the people you wished would be there don’t show up in the way you would want them to. Other times, some people stand out for knowing just what to say or do at just the right time. Culturally you may find your grief at odds with what may seem to be “expected” of you. If you have a culture that has particular beliefs about the afterlife, there may be some who don’t understand why you’re grieving.

 

Spiritual Impact of Grief

Spiritually, you may find yourself, if you are a believer in God, feeling angry at God for your loss. Or, as someone who may not have believed in God before the loss, you may find an unexpected sense of spirituality or a desire to connect to something bigger than yourself. You may struggle to make sense of your own meaning or purpose without your loved one. Philosophically, you may find you feel bewildered, unsure, disoriented, or disconnected from your own sense of identity and your place in the the world. Grief hijacks our entire being, insisting on being felt and acknowledged.

 

The Stages of Grief

The grieving process is often described in terms of stages, popularly outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, it’s important to note that these stages were formed following her discussions with terminally ill patients, as opposed to those who were bereaved. They do not always fit for those who have lost loved ones. These stages are not intended to be linear; they are most useful when conceptualized as a spectrum of experiences that ebb and flow over time. Some individuals might skip stages entirely. Others may revisit certain emotions or stages repeatedly or feel like they never leave a stage.

In the Western world, people tend to be particularly uncomfortable in the helplessness, and intensity of emotion when alongside someone grieving. As a result, those grieving often feel as if there is a “right” way to do it. You may feel pressure to do it “well”, as if there was some gold-standard for grieving.

Sometimes, these stages can be experienced by the bereaved themselves, or dictated by others as th eright way to grieve. This often leads to more suffering from the bereaved as they wonder “what’s wrong with me?” This non-linear process, and all the expectations for how we might grieve underscores the importance of bereavement counselling. Grief Counselling can help individuals understand their experiences and invite self-compassion as they move through the unpredictable nature of their grief.

 

The Role of Grief and Bereavement Counselling

Grief counselling is a type of psychotherapy that supports with the emotional, cognitive, physical, spiritual, and social responses to loss. For those who have unfinished experiences with their lost loved ones, it can help them find ways to deal with these unfinished experiences so they can cope with the loss. Saying or doing whatever it is that remained unfinished helps dissipate the ongoing guilt, anger, or emptiness. Grief counselling can give you a safe place to let the emotion move without fearing that it will overtake you. It can create a space where you can grieve just as you need to. Grief and bereavement counselling allows you to do this without any outside expectation or judgement of you. 

While bereavement is the most commonly understood reason for grief, many life experiences can involve profound grieving. Some examples include loss of a job, divorce or break-up, illness or injury, and trauma or abuse. Grief counselling, more broadly, can support you in recognizing you’ve lost something that is important to you. This can be anything. There are other common areas to grieve like downsizing and leaving the home my family was raised in; becoming an empty nester; not having the same physical mobility, or endurance I once did; living with chronic pain, etc. 

Bereavement counselling, which specifically addresses the process of healing after the death of a loved one, is a specialized part of grief counselling as a whole. Often the term bereavement counselling is used interchangeably with grief counselling. But, they are not exactly the same thing. Grief counselling refers to all kinds of loss, much more broadly.  Both forms of counselling offer a non-judgmental space for individuals to process their grief at their own pace, and in their own way.

 

Finding the Right Grief or Bereavement Counsellor

Doing a google search for “grief counselling”, “grief counselling near me”, or “grief counselling in langley or vancouver” can be daunting. This is especially difficult when any decision after a loss feels unbearable. You might feel like, who can I trust with all of this?

It’s essential to find a counsellor with whom you feel comfortable and who is experienced in dealing with the complexities of grief. A grief counsellor provides support and understanding. They walk alongside you as you process all the intimate pain of the loss. Further, they help you make sense of your changing world. And, they help you work through any unfinished business you may have with your late loved one. Finally, they help you move through the maze of emotions and changes that can follow any major change in life, including a death.

 

The Benefits of Bereavement Counselling

Engaging in bereavement counselling may feel scary. But where else can you find someone to be there for you, as you need them to be? Your counsellor will honour your grieving process as unique to you.

Bereavement counselling invites you to be present with your emotions in a way that you can tolerate. If feeling the emotions is unbearable, allowing yourself to start to feel is part of the process. Eventually, we can work towards helping you co-exist with the grief. This is all part of the counselling process. Emotions may feel more manageable if they are locked away, but this takes a toll on your health. It is a heavy and exhausting burden to carry. Overtime, doing this can leave you feeling numb and flat. Allowing intense emotions to be felt is daunting. A counsellor can provide a safe space for you to acknowledge the depth of your grief. 

Finally, bereavement counselling can help in identifying and fostering new sources of support and connection. It helps you as you begin to understand yourself in a new way, without the physical presence of your loved one, It can help you explore changes in your identify, your sense of meaning and purpose.

 

The Healing Journey: What to Expect in Bereavement Counselling

In bereavement counselling, the healing journey may include telling the story of your loss. Furthermore, this narrative process can be helpful as it makes space for the thoughts and feelings that might otherwise be closed-off or pushed down. A bereavement or grief counsellor helps you explore and understand your relationship with the deceased, the circumstances of the death, and the impact it has had on your life. Counsellors can introduce various exercises that help clients co-exist with their feelings. Examples of these may include expressing the grief or powerlessness through writing, art, mindfulness, play, or other rituals.

 

The Process of Adaptation

An integral part of the work done in grief and bereavement counselling is to help you make sense of life after your loss. This might involve exploring changes in your roles or identity. Also, it may include helping you to find rituals or practices to maintain a connection to your late loved one. Generally, counsellors will gently invite a reconnection to yourself into the process of adaptating after your loss.

 

Cultural Differences in Grieving

Grieving is a universal experience, yet the ways in which we express and manage grief are diverse. Understandably, different cultures have unique rituals and customs. Correspondingly, these influence how you mourn and honour your late loved one. For example, in some Eastern cultures, grief is expressed through collective mourning and specific mourning periods. Alternatively, some Western cultures may focus on individual expression and a quicker return to daily routines. Understanding and respecting cultural nuances is essential in grief counselling.

A counsellor must be culturally sensitive and aware of these differences and honour them. For instance, some cultures might view the open expression of emotion during grief as healing. In other cutlures, they might consider a more stoic approach as respectful. Regardless, honouring these cultural grieving patterns ensures the counselling provided aligns with your values and beliefs. Long-term Support and Group Therapy is another way to process your loss. Healing from an isolating experience in the presence of others with similar grief can be deeply therapeutic for some clients.

Grief doesn’t have a fixed endpoint. At times you may have expectations that you should be able to ‘move on’. For some, the need for support may extend over a considerable period. It’s important to know that you’ve not grieved wrong. As a result, long-term or intermittent counselling sessions might be helpful as you reach different milestones in your life that triggers the grief. Additionally, you may find comfort and understanding in group therapy sessions. Sharing experiences with others who have endured similar losses can foster a sense of community and collective healing.

 

The Virtual Age of Counselling

In today’s virtual age, accessing grief and bereavement counselling has become more flexible with the option of online therapy. This can be beneficial for those who may not have local services available or who prefer the privacy or convenience of counselling in their own home. Also, if you are not seeking in person counselling or Grief or Bereavement Counselling directly in Langley or Vancouver, but you are in British Columbia, online counselling in BC may be easier for you.

 

The Importance of Personalized Counselling Approaches

Personalized counselling approaches are central to the effectiveness of grief and bereavement counselling. Most importantly, each individual’s journey through grief is unique. As such, their grieving process is influenced not only by your cultural background but also by your personality, life experiences, and the available circle of support you have. 

Personalized counselling involves compassion and acceptance for each client and their experience of grief. As a result, this may include one-on-one sessions that focus on the specific aspects of the client’s grief. Accordingly, counselling may include integrating things that resonate with your personal coping style. Some individuals may find solace in psychotherapy that delves into the stories and memories of the loved one lost. 

 

The Role of Personal and Cultural Identity in Grief

Personal and cultural identity plays a significant role in how you process and deal with grief. Moreover, a person’s beliefs, values, and the community’s expectations can significantly influence their grieving process. In counselling, acknowledging the cultural expectations, pressures, and supports that influence how you cope with loss can help you make meaning of your life. Further, embracing or developing your personal identify is part of the process. Correspondingly, compassionate counselling allows individuals to grieve in a manner that is true to your and your community, and creates a more authentic and healing experience.

For example, some may find comfort in community gatherings and public memorials. Others may require a quiet, private space to reflect and grieve. When any events are over, people may feel pressure to return to ‘normal life’. However, many people continue to feel fluctuating and confusing emotions and ongoing isolation. The counsellor’s role is to help individuals define for themselves a process that respects these preferences. 

 

Training and Education in Cultural Competency

For counsellors, ongoing education in cultural competency is essential. It enables them to connect with clients from diverse backgrounds authentically. This education often includes learning about different cultural practices related to death and mourning. It inclues understanding the cultural contexts of emotional expression, and recognizing the impact of cultural stigma associated with seeking mental health support.

Accordingly, counsellors with a deep understanding of cultural dynamics are better equipped to support clients in a way that feels respectful and meaningful. They can help bridge the gap between the client’s cultural expectations and the therapeutic process. Moreover, this helps foster a supportive and empathetic environment conducive to healing.

 

Conclusion

Grief and bereavement counselling offers a gentle place to land when emotions become exhausting and isolating after a loss. Moreover, by honouring the diversity of each individual’s unique path through sorrow, counsellors can offer compassionate support. Whether it’s through face-to-face sessions or digital platforms, the goal remains the same. Provide a supportive space where individuals can navigate their grief without having to navigate cultural misunderstandings or inflexible approaches.

Above all, remember, grief may be universal, but healing is personal, and grief and bereavement counselling in Langley and Vancouver should always reflect this fundamental truth.