Love can begin so beautifully. You used to see this person, and sense the warmth inside you, so comfortable and safe.
You might not have had words to explain what was going on, but it just felt so right. You were willing to make a safe space for their softer feelings and desires and they for yours. Over time, this has begun to slip away. Maybe increased responsibilities or significant decisions are clouding your ability to connect with one another. Or, maybe the hurt and conflict are so overpowering that you can barely look your partner in the eye.
Maybe it’s gotten so difficult between you, that even being in the same room with them leaves your skin crawling. You may be grasping to make sense of betrayal. You may think things feel ‘fine’. That’s it. Fine. No intimacy. No discussion of shared hopes and dreams. You’re co-existing. Going through the motions.
You may both wish for something different, but not have any idea where to begin. It may only be you that is aware of the erosion taking place between you two. At times, you might move towards your partner and notice them back up and pull away. At other times, you might feel your partner coming close and feel annoyed by it. Your conflict may be so palpable, you’re not going out to social events together anymore because you just don’t know how to be in the same room with one another without public conflict. You might have individual ways to cope, but the question is, do they bring you closer together as a couple, or do they drive a wedge even further between you and become a source of conflict in themselves.
At Lavender Counselling, we understand that all relationships go through difficult times. We help you and your partner explore what’s going on. It can be easy to feel so angry with your partner that blaming and shaming them feels so much better in the moment. We invite you to notice the hurt and we help you to communicate that hurt in a way that preserves your partner’s sense of self and leaves you feeling good about yourself. We help you remember that you might also have a growing edge and that even small shifts in your own way of being, might make a significant difference in your relationship. We help you hear what your partner needs you to know. And together as a couple, we facilitate the A.R.E. process which offers a gentle reminder for the ultimate question: Are you there for me?