Grief, Loss & Bereavement Counselling
Grief, loss and/or bereavement can sweep you up and toss you around like you’re in a wave, struggling to see which way is up. It can erode away the very foundation that you’ve known, leaving you unsure of your life’s purpose.
You can begin to question everything you know, or thought you knew. You can see someone talking, but have no ability to take in anything they are saying and feel like you are in a dream; everything can feel so surreal. Maybe you wonder whether this is really happening and ask yourself “what if” or “if only”. You may experience intense bouts of anger, demanding to understand why this is happening to you. Maybe you feel the intense injustice as you grapple with how unfair this is. Or, you may find yourself closing the world out as you try to cope with it all.
What is Grief and Loss?
Culturally, we have many customs to help us cope with bereavement (the loss of a loved one). You might bring or receive food, sing, or gather with a small group, or host/attend a public gathering to mark the loss. However, once these events are finished, the bereaved person is often left to make sense of their world on their own.
While grief and loss do relate to losing someone you love, the entirety of grief and loss is embedded in so many more experiences than we generally acknowledge. Consider loss more broadly for a moment. In the abridged words of Dr.David Kuhl, MD, loss is wanting more of what you will never get again, or getting something you did not ask for. Grief is embedded in losing a job, divorce or breakups, long term or terminal illness diagnosis. Grief can also happen when taking in the effects that trauma and abuse have had on your life.
Do I need Grief, Loss & Bereavement Counselling?
At Lavender Counselling, we understand that grief and loss are not short-term experiences. You may have a lot of support at the beginning, but over time, that support may wane. There might be an expectation from others for things to be resolved, for you to resume your normal life, and to be happy again. We know it doesn’t work like that, and there’s no switch to flip to make it all better.
Grieving is a unique journey for each individual. It is often multi-faceted and non-linear, bringing up a range of emotions, some expected, others surprising. Our counsellors help you honor your grieving process, as it appears for you. We provide a safe space to explore these emotions and guide you towards healing in a way that feels comfortable.
Our hope is for you to understand that barricading grief and loss deep inside can be exhausting and erode away at you. We invite you to be present with your grief, even when it doesn’t feel good. While you might be working hard to hold the grief in, fearing it may consume you if let out, our therapists work with you to feel safe in approaching and exploring your grief.
Through this process, we assist you in developing individualized coping techniques that align with your personal experiences and emotional needs. By providing support and guidance, we help you navigate major life changes and adjust in a way that feels right for you.
We help you understand the purpose of letting grief out. We walk alongside you as you make sense of your life in a new way.
What Role Does the Therapist Play in Processing the Emotions Connected to Grief?
Therapists play a vital role in helping individuals process the complex emotions associated with grief. They provide essential support through various therapeutic techniques, helping clients navigate the intense feelings that often accompany loss.
Creating a Safe Space
Therapists establish a safe and supportive environment where clients can express their feelings openly. For someone who has lost a friend or loved one, feelings of loneliness and despair can be overwhelming. A non-judgmental space fosters trust and acceptance (Rogers, 1961). This supportive atmosphere encourages individuals to explore their emotions without fear of judgment, which is crucial for healing (Rogers, 1957). Acknowledging grief in a compassionate environment allows clients to truly feel their loss—whether it’s sadness, anger, guilt, and even relief sometimes—which is essential for moving forward (Cacciatore, 2018).
Encouraging Emotional Awareness
Therapists play an important role in helping clients become more aware of their emotions during grief. For instance, a parent grieving a child may feel intense guilt, constantly questioning whether they could have done something differently to prevent the tragedy. A spouse mourning the loss of a partner might grapple with feelings of abandonment, fearing they will never feel whole again. Clients who have lost a parent often experience a mix of emotions such as anger at the parent for leaving them, deep sadness over missed milestones, or anxiety about navigating life without their guidance.
Identifying and processing these emotions is a pathway to healing and emotional awareness is fundamental to effective grief processing (Greenberg, 2002). Studies show that acknowledging and naming emotions can lead to better coping strategies and overall psychological resilience (Macklem, 2015; McNicol et al., 2020). For example, a child who has lost a parent may struggle with feelings of confusion, wondering how to carry on without their support. They might feel regret over things left unsaid or unresolved issues that weigh heavily on their hearts. Furthermore, they may experience moments of relief when recalling their parent’s suffering, which can lead to guilt for feeling that way.
By guiding clients to reflect on their experiences, therapists facilitate deeper emotional exploration, helping clients confront the multifaceted nature of their grief. Understanding and integrating emotions can promote healing and growth (Cacciatore, 2018). Clients often face loneliness when friends or other family members don’t seem to understand their grief, or their anger that may be directed at the world, or a spiritual deity, for being unfair. By encouraging emotional awareness, therapists help clients cultivate self-compassion and empathy for their own experiences, which is vital for moving through the grieving process (Neff, 2011).
The emotional landscape of grief is complex, and therapists are instrumental in helping clients navigate these turbulent waters. They foster a greater understanding of their emotional responses, promoting healing through acceptance and encouraging clients to honor their feelings as part of their unique grief journey.
Using Body Awareness
Recognizing and honoring bodily sensations is essential for understanding ourselves holistically. Many clients experience physical symptoms like fatigue, tension, nausea, or numbness when grappling with grief. These physical sensations can provide valuable insights into emotional states (Gendlin, 1981) Therapists encourage clients to tune into these sensations, helping them gain a clearer understanding of their grief and its impact on their overall well-being.
The body holds significant emotional memories and experiences (Ogden, Minton, & Pain, 2006). By cultivating body awareness, clients can reconnect with their emotions, leading to a deeper understanding of their grief. For example, a client might notice tightness in their chest when recalling a loved one, which can help us to understand underlying feelings. Cacciatore emphasizes that somatic experiences are vital in processing grief, as they help individuals connect more fully with their emotional states and understand how grief manifests in their bodies (Cacciatore, 2018).
By exploring bodily sensations, therapists assist clients in integrating their emotional and physical experiences, promoting a more comprehensive healing process. This body-centered approach not only enhances emotional awareness but also empowers clients to engage with their grief in a way that fosters resilience and acceptance.
Understanding Emotional Blocks
Often, individuals block emotions as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings, which can hinder the healing process. For instance, a spouse grieving the loss of their partner might suppress their grief to maintain a sense of stability for their children. They may feel compelled to put on a brave face, fearing that expressing their sadness would burden their family further. While that might make sense, depending on the age of the other children, never allowing the emotion leads to difficulties. Ongoing suppression can lead to a cycle of emotional numbness, leaving clients feeling isolated and disconnected from their feelings and their loved ones.
Research shows that such avoidance can create significant barriers to healing, causing unresolved emotions to resurface as anxiety, irritability, or even anger directed at others (Cacciatore, 2018; Neff, 2011). A client may find themselves snapping at friends or feeling inexplicably anxious in social situations, reflecting deeper unprocessed grief.
Therapists play a crucial role in helping clients recognize these emotional blocks, explore their origins, and understand the consequences of avoidance. For example, by gently guiding clients to reflect on their experiences, therapists can help them uncover the fears driving their emotional suppression—such as a fear of being vulnerable or a belief that they must stay strong for others. It is essential to acknowledge and process our emotions to achieve healing (Ogden et al., 2006).
By encouraging clients to safely process their emotions, therapists facilitate a journey toward greater emotional health and resilience. This support helps clients reclaim their ability to feel and express their grief authentically, ultimately fostering a deeper connection to themselves and their loved ones.
Facilitating Expression
Therapists play a vital role in assisting clients in expressing their emotions authentically, which is crucial for emotional processing and healing. Emotional expression can lead to profound insights and emotional regulation (Greenberg, 2002). For instance, a client mourning the loss of a parent might feel compelled to share stories or write letters that convey their love and grief. Engaging in activities such as journaling about cherished memories or participating in role-play scenarios can help clients externalize their grief, making it more tangible.
Specific exercises can be used in therapy to encourage clients to access and express their feelings. Clients may engage in art, music, or movement as a way to express complex emotions that are difficult to articulate verbally. This creative process not only facilitates emotional release but also enhances clients’ understanding of their grief and its impact on their lives. These activities allow clients to articulate unresolved feelings, express their sorrow, and say things they never had the chance to share, promoting emotional release and connection (Greenberg, 2002).
By encouraging these forms of expression, therapists help clients navigate their grief and articulate their feelings more clearly. Emotional expression can foster greater clarity and understanding of your emotional landscape. Ultimately, facilitating expression empowers clients to confront their grief, paving the way for healing and personal growth as they learn to honor their loved ones while continuing their own journeys.
Supporting Change and Growth
As clients navigate their emotions, therapists help them embrace personal growth and transformation. Understanding and integrating these complex emotions can lead to healthier coping mechanisms. For example, a client who has experienced a significant loss may eventually find new ways to celebrate their loved one’s memory, such as volunteering or creating a memorial. This can foster resilience through the grieving process, allowing clients to honor their loved ones while also finding a way to move forward in life (Cacciatore, 2018). Self-exploration and emotional honesty are essential for personal development (Rogers, 1961).
Therapists play a valuable role in helping clients process their grief. By creating a safe space, encouraging emotional awareness, utilizing body awareness, understanding emotional blocks in order to facilitate expression, and support growth, they empower clients to navigate their grief with compassion and resilience.
References:
Cacciatore, J. (2018). Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief. New York: Wise Ink.
Greenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Foundations and Guidelines. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Macklem, G. L. (2015). The Emotional Intelligence Workbook: A Guide for Health Professionals. New York: Routledge.
McNicol, M., Wilkins, A., & Lintzeris, N. (2020). Emotional awareness and coping with grief: Implications for therapy. Psychology of Grief, 25(2), 123-135.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. New York: William Morrow.
Using Body Awarenessn Mifflin.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Experiencing Trauma: A Somatic Perspective on Psychotherapy. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
How do counsellors support clients in maintaining a continued bond with a deceased loved one?
Lavender Counsellors help clients maintain a continued bond with deceased loved ones by encouraging practices that preserve the emotional connection while integrating the loss into the client’s life. They emphasize that relationships with the deceased evolve rather than end (Neimeyer et al., 2011).
They may support clients in reconnecting with rituals and practices that preserve emotional connections while facilitating healing. Rituals like creating memory boxes, writing letters, or observing anniversaries help clients integrate their loss meaningfully into their lives (Sheehan-Zeidler, 2019). Through thoughtful dialogue, and personalized conversations, counsellors encourage clients to share stories about their loved ones. This process helps preserve cherished memories and keeps the bond alive. Engaging in meaningful conversations can lead to a deeper understanding and acceptance of the loss, while simultaneously honoring the deceased. Counselors often guide clients in creating tangible memories of their loved ones. This might involve art therapy projects, writing letters, or journaling specific recollections. These activities are designed to keep the connection strong and enable clients to reflect on the positive impact their loved one had on their life. Grief counselling frequently helps clients find symbols or rituals that represent the presence of the deceased in their lives. Lighting a candle, setting aside a personal space for reflection, or participating in annual remembrance activities can offer comfort and reinforce the continued emotional bond.
Grief is not about “moving on” but about creating space for love and loss to coexist, allowing individuals to transform their grief into compassionate action (Cacciatore, 2017). Additionally, Counsellors help clients develop new roles and identities that honour the relationship, encouraging a sense of meaning and presence beyond physical absence (Kuhl, 2002).
However, counsellors also acknowledge that not all clients wish to maintain these bonds. For some, unresolved trauma or personal growth may lead to a desire for distance. In these cases, therapists support the client’s choice, helping them process grief in ways that respect their boundaries and well-being (Neimeyer et al., 2011).
References:
- Cacciatore, J. (2017). Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief.
- Kuhl, D. (2002). What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom for the End of Life.
- Neimeyer, R. A., et al. (2011). Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society. Routledge.
- Sheehan-Zeidler, B. (2019). Rituals and Remembrance in Grief Counseling.
What techniques and therapeutic approaches are commonly used in grief counselling?
Techniques and Therapeutic Approaches Used in Grief Counselling
Grief counselling integrates emotional, somatic, cognitive, and relational approaches. These methods help clients address unresolved conflict, guilt, shame, and physical tension, promoting healing through emotional awareness and expression.
-
Focusing Techniques (Gendlin, 1996)
Gendlin’s focusing method guides clients to tune into bodily sensations, known as the “felt sense,” uncovering hidden emotions tied to grief. This fosters emotional clarity and deeper self-awareness.
-
Emotion-Focused Therapy (Greenberg, 2016)
EFT helps clients express difficult emotions such as anger or guilt. Techniques like chair work—imagining conversations with the deceased—facilitate emotional release and closure, transforming pain into self-compassion.
-
Narrative Therapy (White & Epston, 1990)
Narrative therapy encourages clients to re-author their grief stories by exploring new perspectives on their loss, shifting from limiting narratives to those emphasizing resilience and personal growth.
-
Relational Approaches in Grief Counselling (Jordan & Neimeyer, 2003)
Relational approaches emphasize the importance of relationships—both with the deceased and within the client’s support system. Counsellors may explore relational patterns and guide clients in strengthening connections with family or support networks, fostering resilience through relational engagement.
-
Mindfulness and Meditation (Kabat-Zinn, 2005)
Meditation techniques such as body scanning and focused breathing promote non-judgmental awareness, allowing clients to stay present with their grief without becoming overwhelmed. This builds emotional resilience and fosters acceptance.
-
Somatic Approaches (Ogden, 2006)
Somatic therapy helps clients release grief-related physical tension through grounding exercises and mindful movement, supporting emotional regulation and reconnection with the body.
-
Continuing Bonds Theory (Klass et al., 1996)
Counsellors encourage rituals like journaling and creating memory boxes to maintain emotional connections with the deceased, helping clients integrate these bonds meaningfully into their lives.
-
Unconditional Positive Regard (Rogers, 1961)
Counsellors create a non-judgmental space where clients feel accepted, reducing shame and fostering emotional safety. This helps clients explore even complex or socially stigmatized emotions without fear of criticism. This acceptance encourages self-exploration and emotional release, facilitating healing. As clients feel valued and understood, they become more open to reflecting on their experiences, developing self-compassion, and finding new meaning through their grief journey.
Conclusion
Grief counselling draws on emotional, relational, narrative, somatic, and mindfulness techniques to support healing. By addressing both the emotional and physical aspects of grief, these approaches help clients integrate loss meaningfully into their lives and foster personal growth.
References:
Gendlin, E. T. (1996). Focusing-Oriented Psychotherapy: A Manual of the Experiential Method.
Greenberg, L. S. (2016). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings.
Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (1996). Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief.
Jordan, J. R., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2003). Meaning Reconstruction & the Experience of Loss.
White, M., & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends. Norton.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2005). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life.
Ogden, P. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy.
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy.
How Can Counselling Help Individuals Cope with Grief and Loss if They Are Engaged in Addictive Behaviours?
Experiencing grief and loss can be overwhelming, and some individuals may turn to alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors for temporary relief. Though these behaviors offer short-term escape, they often intensity emotional and personal challenges. Counselling plays a transformative role by supporting individuals toward identifying and using healthier coping mechanisms.
Identifying & Exploring Underlying Issues
Counselling helps clients identify the root causes of their desire for addictive behaviours. Together they uncover grief-related triggers through self-reflection. Collaboratively with their counsellor, they work to uncover unresolved grief and pain, helping clients make meaningful connections between their loss and addictive habits.
Processing Emotions Effectively
A critical part of recovery involves processing emotions without suppressing or avoiding them. Clients are encouraged to engage in practices such as journaling, emotional regulation techniques, and focusing exercises (Gendlin, 1996). By tuning into their emotions—whether anger, sadness, guilt, or relief—clients develop deeper emotional awareness. This process fosters self-compassion and helps them move through grief in a healthy way, preventing emotions from being expressed destructively through addiction.
Developing a Relationship with Yourself
A central element of healing in grief counselling is reconnecting with oneself. Discovering personal meaning in suffering fosters growth and transformation (Frankl, 2006). Counsellors use techniques such as journaling, mindfulness, focusing, and self compassion to help clients explore their emotions and develop a deeper relationship with themselves. Building a compassionate relationship with oneself is essential for emotional healing, enabling individuals to overcome reliance on external coping mechanisms and find inner strength (Rogers, 1961).
Developing Healthier Coping Strategies
Counsellors support clients in developing more sustainable coping mechanisms that fit the client’s needs and values. Counsellors may teach mindfulness exercises, emotional regulation skills, and other stress-reduction techniques, providing sustainable alternatives to addiction. These strategies allow clients to respond to grief with self-care rather than harmful substances.
Rebuilding Relationships
Addiction often strains relationships with loved ones. Counselling focuses on helping the client determine if there are connections they wish to repair. If so, they support improving communication and empathy, and subsequently strengthening the client’s support system for long-term recovery.
Fostering a Supportive Environment
Group therapy offers individuals a sense of belonging by connecting them with others who share similar struggles. This collective healing helps build a reduction in shame and isolation while allows for increased resilience. This fosters hope through shared experiences.
Ensuring Ongoing Support
Counsellors work with clients to create personalized support plans, including follow-up therapy and access to support groups. These strategies ensure individuals have the tools and guidance needed to sustain their progress and well-being.
By addressing the emotional wounds of grief, counselling empowers individuals to leave behind unhealthy coping behaviors and move forward with resilience, purpose, and personal growth.
References:
Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.
Gendlin, E. T. (1996). Focusing-Oriented Psychotherapy: A Manual of the Experiential Method.
Greenberg, L. S. (2016). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings.
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy.
Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (1996). Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief.
What role does mindfulness play in grief counselling?
The Role of Mindfulness in Grief Therapy
Mindfulness plays a critical role in grief therapy by helping individuals develop non-judgmental awareness of their emotions. Through mindfulness practices like breath-focused meditation, body scanning, and focused breathing exercises, clients learn to stay present with their grief without avoidance or emotional overwhelm (Kabat-Zinn, 2005). This presence allows them to observe and accept their emotions, fostering emotional regulation and reducing reactive responses to pain.
Mindfulness promotes self-compassion, helping individuals process their grief without self-criticism. It also assists in breaking cycles of rumination, which can deepen emotional distress. By staying connected to the present moment, clients find a sense of grounding and clarity, which supports their healing journey (Neimeyer et al., 2011). This practice aligns with the experiential focus of grief therapy, enabling clients to engage meaningfully with their emotions and memories.
References:
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2005). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life.
Neimeyer, R. A., et al. (2011). Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society. Routledge.
Exploring Alternative Therapies for Grief Support
When navigating the challenges of grief, traditional talk therapy isn’t the only option. Many individuals find solace and support through alternative therapeutic approaches that engage different forms of expression and healing. Here’s a look at some of these options:
1. Art and Play Therapy
Art Therapy: This approach allows individuals to express their emotions and process complex feelings through creative art-making. The act of creating art can be both cathartic and revealing, helping to uncover emotions that might be difficult to express verbally.
Play Therapy: Particularly effective for children, play therapy uses the power of play to help individuals communicate feelings, navigate life changes, and develop coping strategies in a safe and nurturing environment.
2. Phototherapy
Phototherapy utilizes personal photographs to evoke memories and discuss past experiences. This visual medium can help individuals articulate stories and emotions related to their grief, facilitating a deeper understanding of their feelings.
3. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
EMDR is a structured therapy that encourages the reprocessing of traumatic memories associated with grief. By using guided eye movements or other bilateral stimulation, EMDR helps relieve emotional stress, allowing individuals to progress through the grief stages more adaptively.
These alternative therapies offer diverse paths for healing and can often be tailored to fit individual needs. Whether through the canvas, play, photographs, or targeted sensory processing, these modalities provide valuable tools in the journey towards emotional recovery.
What are the benefits of online or telephone grief counselling services?
The Benefits of Online Grief Counselling Services
Navigating the tumultuous journey of grief can be overwhelming, but the advent of online grief counselling provides accessible and flexible support that offers numerous benefits.
Personalized Emotional Support
One of the primary advantages of online grief counselling is its ability to offer tailored support unique to each individual’s experience. With professional guidance, clients can explore their personal stories of loss in a compassionate and understanding environment. This personalized approach respects the uniqueness of each person’s journey, fostering a space to honor feelings, memories, and relationships that are essential for healing.
Diverse Therapeutic Techniques
Online and telephone counselling provide access to a variety of therapeutic modalities. In addition to traditional verbal therapy, clients may explore art therapy, play therapy, and even phototherapy. These creative outlets can facilitate expression beyond words, enabling individuals to process grief in ways that might feel less daunting or more aligned with their personal comfort zones.
Enhanced Accessibility and Convenience
Online and telephone counselling break the geographical barriers, allowing individuals to receive help from the comfort of their own homes. This is particularly beneficial for those with mobility issues, tight schedules, or living in remote areas. Flexible scheduling can also accommodate different time zones and personal commitments, ensuring that help is available when it’s most needed.
Safe and Supportive Environment
Telehealth counselling offers a safe space for individuals to voice their feelings without judgment. Experienced counsellors create a supportive environment where clients can safely explore their emotions. This empathetic presence can guide the healing process, providing clients with the resilience and skills necessary to cope with their grief.
Continuous and Flexible Healing Journey
The process of grieving is non-linear, and online counselling respects this complex journey by allowing clients to progress at their own pace. It offers the flexibility to revisit past sessions and allows for ongoing support, helping individuals to manage feelings as they evolve over time. By facilitating a continuous connection between the client and counsellor, it ensures that support and guidance are consistently available.
In summary, online grief counselling services provide a vital lifeline for those managing the complexities of loss. With personalized support, diverse therapeutic options, and increased accessibility, it allows individuals to embark on a healing journey that is both compassionate and flexible, all from the safety and comfort of their own space.
How Do Therapists Tailor Their Approach to Individual Clients?
Therapists tailor their approach to individual clients, particularly in the context of grief, by integrating theoretical frameworks that address each client’s unique experiences, coping mechanisms, and emotional needs.
Understanding Individual Grief Responses
One foundational aspect of tailoring therapy for grief is recognizing that individuals respond to loss in vastly different ways. Research highlights that grief is a highly individual process influenced by various factors, including personal history, cultural background, and the nature of the loss (Worden, 2009). For instance, a client who has lost a parent may experience profound feelings of abandonment, while another may grapple with unresolved conflicts, which necessitates different therapeutic approaches.
Assessment and Grief Models
Effective grief therapy involves ongoing assessment that is sensitive to the client’s specific experiences. Being present with clients, which fosters a genuine therapeutic relationship and allows for real-time responsiveness to their needs is essential (Rogers, 1961).
Incorporating moment-to-moment assessment, enables therapists to tune into clients’ emotional expressions and shifts throughout the session (Greenberg, 2002). For instance, if a client moves from expressing sadness to a moment of anger or frustration, the therapist can adapt their approach accordingly—either facilitating a deeper exploration of that anger or redirecting to focus on feelings of sadness.
By understanding where a client is in this dynamic process, therapists can tailor interventions that help them navigate their emotions more effectively, whether that involves facilitating the expression of grief or encouraging engagement with daily life activities. This adaptive approach not only promotes emotional processing but also supports clients in finding their own pathways through the complexities of grief.
References:
Greenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Foundations and Guidelines. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: A Decade On. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
Therapeutic Approaches
Therapists use client-centered therapy to support grief processing. Here the emphasis is on the individual’s unique experiences and based on their needs. Creating a therapeutic environment characterized by empathy, unconditional positive regard, and genuineness, significantly enhances client engagement and outcomes (Rogers, 1961) and significantly enhances clients’ engagement and trust (Norcross, 2010). Research shows that tailoring therapeutic methods to align with clients’ needs can lead to improved results (Miller & Rollnick, 2013).
For example, incorporating narrative therapy can help clients reframe their stories of loss, allowing them to gain new perspectives and facilitating emotional healing (Neimeyer, 2001). Alternatively, a therapist may recognize that a client is avoiding discussions about their loss and may gently encourage exploration at a pace that feels safe for the client. By actively listening to client feedback and observing their responses, therapists can adapt their approach to ensure that the therapeutic process aligns with the client’s emotional landscape. This client-centered approach fosters a strong therapeutic alliance and empowers clients to take an active role in their healing journey, which supports the inherent capacity of individuals to grow and heal when provided with the right conditions (Rogers, 1961).
References:
Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning Reconstruction & the Experience of Loss. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Norcross, J. C. (2010). The Therapeutic Alliance: An Evidence-Based Approach. In J. C. Norcross (Ed.), Psychotherapy Relationships That Work (pp. 7-19). New York: Oxford University Press.
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
Building a Therapeutic Alliance
Feedback-Informed Treatment
Incorporating client feedback is particularly valuable in grief therapy. Regularly soliciting feedback on the therapeutic process can significantly improve outcomes and client satisfaction (Miller & Duncan, 2004). By asking clients how they feel about the therapy, therapists can make necessary adjustments to better align with the clients’ evolving emotional needs.
References:
Miller, S. D., & Duncan, B. L. (2004). Using Client Feedback to Improve Non-Manualized Treatments. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 60(5), 511-517.
How is the grieving process characterized?
The grieving process is characterized as a complex and multifaceted journey that varies significantly from person to person. Leading research in grief therapy highlights that grief is not a linear experience; rather, it encompasses a range of emotional, physical, cognitive, and relational responses that evolve over time.
Grief is deeply personal and often involves profound emotional pain. Recognizing the unique nature of each individual’s grief journey is essential to the process. Common feelings associated with grief include sadness, guilt, anger, and even relief, especially in cases of anticipated loss. These emotions are all valid and should be acknowledged as part of the healing process (Cacciatore, 2018).
In addition to individual emotional experiences, the social context of grief plays a significant role in shaping how people navigate their loss. Grieving is influenced by the reactions and support from the surrounding community. Research indicates that social networks can provide both emotional support and practical assistance, which significantly impacts an individual’s grief process (Bowlby, 1980). Connections with others—whether through formal support groups or informal relationships—can offer vital comfort and validation during times of profound loss. The sharing of stories and emotions within a supportive community can greatly enhance the healing process, helping individuals feel less isolated in their grief.
However, community dynamics can also have negative effects on the grieving process. Comments from others can sometimes unintentionally stifle grief, as individuals may feel pressured to conform to societal expectations of how to grieve. For instance, well-meaning friends or family might offer advice like “stay strong” or “focus on the positive,” which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or guilt for experiencing sadness or anger. Research indicates that such invalidating responses can hinder emotional expression and complicate the healing journey (Harris et al., 2014).
In addition to interpersonal interactions, the impact of media attention on traumatic grief cannot be understated. Publicized tragedies can amplify the grieving experience, as constant exposure to media narratives can lead to a phenomenon known as “vicarious trauma.” This occurs when individuals are exposed to graphic or emotionally charged media coverage of tragic events, intensifying their own grief and complicating their healing process (Miller & Hohman, 2020). Those grieving in the public eye may face additional challenges, such as the pressure to perform their grief in ways that align with societal expectations or media portrayals.
Together, these factors create an environment where the process of grieving can become even more complex. The added scrutiny and societal pressures can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, making it more difficult for individuals to navigate their loss and find a path toward healing. In summary, the influence of others—whether through comments, societal expectations, or media portrayals—can create barriers to authentic emotional expression, complicating the already challenging journey of grief.
Additionally, research indicates that the grieving process often involves oscillating between confronting the loss and engaging in restorative activities. Striking a balance between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented tasks can be a crucial aspect of the ongoing healing journey (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). Throughout this process, individuals may experience feelings of shame, particularly if they perceive themselves as not grieving “correctly” or if they feel guilty for beginning to move forward. Over time, these feelings can fluctuate, impacting how individuals navigate their grief. Initially, they may spend more time immersed in their sorrow, while gradually finding space for restorative activities. This dynamic illustrates how, as time passes, individuals can transition between deeply feeling the pain of their loss and addressing their shame, allowing for moments of both sorrow and renewal as they adapt to life without their loved one.
In summary, the grieving process is characterized by its complexity and individuality, encompassing a range of emotions and experiences. Leading research, including Cacciatore’s work and insights from Social Response Theory, emphasizes the importance of recognizing the personal nature of grief, the influence of social support, and the oscillation between loss and restoration in facilitating healing.
References:
Bowlby, J. (1980). Loss: Sadness and Depression. New York: Basic Books.
Cacciatore, J. (2018). Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief. New York: Wise Ink.
Harris, J. R., Cramer, R. J., & Hains, A. A. (2014). The impact of social support and social constraints on the grief experience: A systematic review. Death Studies, 38(6), 417-429.
Miller, L. J., & Hohman, Z. P. (2020). Vicarious trauma and media exposure: The impact of graphic media on grief and trauma recovery. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 21(3), 299-315.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: A Decade On. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
How do counsellors address the complex emotions and challenges that arise during the grieving process?
At Lavender Counselling, we understand that grief and loss are not short-term experiences. While you may receive substantial support initially, this often wanes over time, leaving individuals feeling isolated. Others may expect you to have resolved your feelings, returned to your normal life, or found happiness again, but we recognize that grief is not a linear process; it cannot be easily switched off (Stroebe & Schut, 2001).
Instead, our counselors honor your grieving process as it unfolds for you. We understand that suppressing grief can be exhausting and detrimental to your emotional well-being. Research shows that acknowledging and being present with grief is essential for healing, even when it feels uncomfortable (Cacciatore, 2018). While you may feel compelled to contain your grief out of fear it will overwhelm you, we create a safe environment for you to explore these emotions.
To navigate this journey, we employ various evidence-based techniques tailored to your needs. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) supports you in experiencing and processing your emotions, ensuring you feel safe throughout this journey (Greenberg, 2002). Additionally, we incorporate narrative therapy, which allows you to share your story and articulate your feelings, promoting understanding and acceptance of your grief (Neimeyer, 2001).
We encourage you to identify and express your emotions, validating that your experiences are normal. By exploring these feelings in a compassionate and supportive space, you can honor your memories and relationships, gradually moving towards healing.
Through this personalized and empathetic approach, we aim to help you unpack the burden of grief and find a path forward, making healing not just a distant possibility but a tangible outcome.
References:
Cacciatore, J. (2018). Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief. New York: Wise Ink.
Greenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Foundations and Guidelines. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning Reconstruction & the Experience of Loss. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2001). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: A Decade On. Death Studies, 25(3), 197-224.
What is the role of healing and hope in the grieving process?
The roles of healing and hope in the grieving process are deeply interconnected and essential for navigating the complexities of loss. Healing involves acknowledging and processing emotions such as sadness, anger, and guilt, allowing individuals to gradually integrate their loss into their lives. Research indicates that permitting oneself to grieve and express these emotions is crucial for developing healthier coping mechanisms and fostering resilience (Cacciatore, 2018; Rogers, 1961).
In the context of grief, the distinction between true hope and imposed hope is crucial. True hope emerges organically as individuals process their emotions and confront their grief. This authentic hope is often grounded in a realistic understanding of one’s situation and acknowledges the complexities of loss. It allows for the possibility of healing and growth while honoring the pain associated with grief (Neimeyer, 2001).
On the other hand, imposed hope can lead to feelings of inadequacy or frustration when individuals are not ready to embrace positivity. When counselors or well-meaning friends pressure someone to “move on” or “look on the bright side,” it can create additional emotional strain. Such external expectations can stifle the natural grieving process, making it harder for individuals to engage with their feelings authentically (Miller & Hohman, 2020).
Research supports the idea that fostering a space where true hope can emerge is more beneficial for clients. individuals who experienced genuine hope as part of their healing process reported greater satisfaction in their emotional well-being and resilience compared to those who felt pressured to adopt a hopeful outlook prematurely (Hohman & Miller, 2019). This underscores the importance of allowing clients to find their own paths toward hope, emphasizing that a supportive environment that allows emotion processing at your pace enables the natural emergence of hope without the burden of imposed expectations.
Research in grief counselling suggests that when counsellors provide a space for clients to fully experience their emotions, they are more likely to find their own pathways to hope (Bowlby, 1980). This approach respects the individual’s unique grieving process and acknowledges that hope can only flourish once the complexities of grief have been navigated.
This is not to imply that the complexities of grief are a one-time experience. Re-grieving highlights that grief is not a linear journey but rather a cyclical experience that can resurface at various moments, often triggered by anniversaries, significant life events, or changes in personal circumstances. As individuals encounter these moments, they may revisit emotions associated with their loss, which can feel overwhelming. However, by allowing clients to re-engage with their grief in a supportive environment, counsellors help them to process these feelings anew, facilitating a deeper understanding of their emotions and reinforcing pathways to hope. This cyclical process reinforces the notion that hope is not just a destination but a continuous evolution that emerges as clients learn to integrate their losses into their lives over time.
The concept of “self-compassion” further supports this perspective on hope, as being gentle with oneself during grief can help alleviate feelings of inadequacy and shame. Neff (2011) found that self-compassion fosters a nurturing environment for individuals, which can lead to the natural emergence of hope as they work through their grief.
Additionally, research on post-traumatic growth highlights that individuals can find new meaning and purpose in life following their loss. This growth often develops as a result of processing grief rather than as an immediate expectation (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004).
In summary, while healing involves the emotional work of processing loss, hope can naturally emerge from this journey. Counsellors play a crucial role by creating a safe space for clients to explore their grief without imposing premature expectations of hope. This approach helps individuals find meaning in their loss and encourages personal growth, ultimately allowing themselves to co-exist with their grief and move to a place of resilience.
References:
Bowlby, J. (1980). Attachment and Loss: Volume 3: Loss: Sadness and Depression. New York: Basic Books.
Cacciatore, J. (2018). Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief. New York: Wise Ink.
Greenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Foundations and Guidelines. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. New York: William Morrow.
Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning Reconstruction & the Experience of Loss. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1-18.
How do counselors help clients understand and navigate the stages of grief?
Lavender Counsellors play a key role in guiding clients through the stages of grief by offering empathy, education, and personalized interventions. They acknowledge that grief is a nonlinear process that is deeply personal, and shaped by culture, social context, and individual experience. They go beyond Kübler-Ross’s model of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Kübler-Ross, 1969; Kuhl, 2002).
1. Normalizing the Grieving Process
Counselors help clients feel validated by framing the stages of grief as possible emotional experiences rather than strict sequences. This ensures clients understand that fluctuating emotions are normal, reducing the pressure to grieve in a specific way (Neimeyer et al., 2011). They emphasize and prepare clients that they may revisit certain feelings over time, especially on significant dates such as anniversaries and birthdays (Green, 2019).
2. Developing Meaningful Rituals and Coping Mechanisms
Counselors encourage clients to create personalized rituals to foster emotional healing and maintain a sense of connection to the deceased. These may include lighting candles, journaling, or writing letters to the deceased, helping clients integrate the memory into their ongoing lives (Sheehan-Zeidler, 2019). Rituals offer continuity and symbolic closure, guiding clients toward adjusting to a “new normal” (Doka, 2019). Creating personalized rituals helps clients integrate loss into their lives. Finding meaning in rituals and memories enables people to reconcile loss with life’s ongoing demands (Kuhl, 2002).
3. Balancing Emotional and Practical Needs: The Dual Process Model
Counselors often use the Dual Process Model, which encourages clients to oscillate between confronting their grief and focusing on everyday tasks. This approach helps prevent emotional exhaustion while facilitating healing (Stroebe & Schut, 1999; Neimeyer et al., 2011).
4. Recognizing Cultural and Social Influences on Grief
Counselors recognize that grief is shaped by cultural norms, personal traditions, and social contexts. They avoid applying universal timelines, understanding that what is considered “normal” grief varies widely (Green, 2019). By adapting interventions to align with each client’s values and cultural background, counselors ensure that treatment is relevant and supportive (Sheehan-Zeidler, 2019).
5. Identifying and Treating Complicated Grief
Counselors identify signs of complicated grief, where grief becomes prolonged and persistently debilitating. Group therapy has proven especially effective in these cases, as it provides shared experiences and hope through connection with others facing similar losses (Green, 2019). Counselors also provide ongoing support, guiding clients to integrate their grief into their lives meaningfully rather than forcing closure (Neimeyer et al., 2011).Through compassionate care, counsellors help clients process loss and move forward meaningfully (Kuhl, 2002).
Conclusion
Counselors help clients navigate grief by offering flexible, personalized support. Integrating rituals, cultural awareness, and elements of the Dual Process Model, they empower clients to find meaning and balance in life after loss. This approach acknowledges that grief is not about achieving closure but learning to live with the presence of loss over time.
References:
Doka, K. (2019). Counseling Today: Grief and Beyond the Stages.
Green, B. (2019). Complicated Grief and Group Therapy.
Kuhl, D. (2002). What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom for the End of Life.
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Macmillan.
Neimeyer, R. A., et al. (2011). Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society. Routledge.
Sheehan-Zeidler, B. (2019). Rituals and Remembrance in Grief Counseling.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). “The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement.” Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224.